The First Chapter
I was open, I wanted to love
was ready to be loved
and all of the above,
when searching didn't work
I stopped and I waited
I planned and I dreamed
analyzed and contemplated
Thought above passion, love and compromise
Understanding, trust and respect in his eyes
Got down on my knees, hands folded together
praying for a love that would last forever
I'd give and he'd give
one hundred percent
we'd continuously fall in love
from time spent
I'd talk and he'd listen
and actually care
And whenever I need him
he'd always be there
without hesitation, without any fears
he'd want me to be happy
wiping away any tears
We'd stay up for hours
talking into the night
it'd be a rare occasion to argue or fight
Am I so wrong, to want these things right???
A love that's for me
way more than alright
A fairytale story
I believe can come true
If both parties agree
to love through and through
Second chapter I realized
it was all in my head
from stories I watched
before I went to bed
I'm no longer a girl
A woman out and inside
full of emotions, aspirations
desires and pride
I don't speak for no reason
I have something to say
So why won't you listen
I don't want to play
I want a real family, a husband and kids
a future, success a life, my own biz
I want to be able to depend on you
and know without a doubt
that you'll always be true
I don't want to compete
with the girl up street
or the woman on your job
while you claim you work hard
fighting for love you say is mine
replaying line after line
and getting the short end of the stick
time after time
I've given chance after chance
while I'm wasting my time
while I'm crying and thinking
and wondering why
And you're walking around with your head in the sky
with your nose in the air
no worries, no cares
And I'm the fool who loves you
and you're not even here!!!
At this point Chapter 3
tends to focus to me
my flawlessness and inaccuracies
the reason i stay when i know that he cheats
believing the lies that fly when he speaks
overlooking and denying
with hopes that he'll change
but he only gets worse
and me, I go insane
and I curse, and I flip
and throw things all over
and when i go to cry
he wont even lend me his shoulder
he never lends an ear
he just disappears
But whenever he needs me
YUP!!.....I'm right there
So what is it in me
that i do not see
that I really don't fix
that i just let be
I keep saying I'm beautiful
I'm smart I don't need this
Then I look in the mirror
and wonder if I mean it
wondering if I believe it
or maybe I would like to
But i don't and that's why you do
all that I allow you
I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm confused
And with all this going on
I still manage to love you
or is it real love
with the person or the thought
That I can make you or change you
I'm in love with the sport
Maybe i don't want to be alone
but i still like my peace
I still love my sanity
I still love my sleep
I must have low self esteem
or maybe I have a problems
that until i wake up
won't be able to solve them
That love, all that love
that i put into him, that i put into men
draining me from within
all that love, real love that i give to someone else
Why Oh Why, can't i give to myself
This final chapter closes
with the strength for me to leave
to promise myself to do better
and love and pamper me
this chapter have happy endings
fairy tales and plenty smiles
no headaches and genuine love
like that of a child
this chapter is not about him, it's not about them
it's all about me
I've finally been granted my liberty
from beautiful sea to shining sea
yes ma'am i am all that back
all that, I gave away
I bought back with my freedom
And I'm exhaling everyday!!!
