RIPPED!!!!!

Ripped out of my womb
Not a moment too soon
The place that breeds life
Now transformed into a tomb
I slept for a moment
But it sleeps now, forever
Dead before it lived
No chance of being together
I want you to stay, but I’m just not prepared
I thought I’d be easy
But I’m fighting back tears
No, I’m trying to wipe rivers
Before they turn into oceans
An immortal state of sadness
Sinking and Floating
Strong yet so Weak
Loud yet Discreet
Not even developed and yet it still speaks
A boy or a girl
The heart or the world
A life, more precious than diamonds and pearls
Ripped by my choice
With no gun to my head
In my head, no choice
Cause it’s future was dead
You could have saved the world
Or ended it too
Who knows, it’s too late
I made the decision for you
I made the decision for me
I could have waited to see
But before I could think clearly
It was Ripped out of me......

Chapters

The First Chapter

I was open, I wanted to love

was ready to be loved

and all of the above,

when searching didn't work

I stopped and I waited

I planned and I dreamed

analyzed and contemplated

Thought above passion, love and compromise

Understanding, trust and respect in his eyes

Got down on my knees, hands folded together

praying for a love that would last forever

I'd give and he'd give

one hundred percent

we'd continuously fall in love

from time spent

I'd talk and he'd listen

and actually care

And whenever I need him

he'd always be there

without hesitation, without any fears

he'd want me to be happy

wiping away any tears

We'd stay up for hours

talking into the night

it'd be a rare occasion to argue or fight

Am I so wrong, to want these things right???

A love that's for me

way more than alright

A fairytale story

I believe can come true

If both parties agree

to love through and through

Second chapter I realized

it was all in my head

from stories I watched

before I went to bed

I'm no longer a girl

A woman out and inside

full of emotions, aspirations

desires and pride

I don't speak for no reason

I have something to say

So why won't you listen

I don't want to play

I want a real family, a husband and kids

a future, success a life, my own biz

I want to be able to depend on you

and know without a doubt

that you'll always be true

I don't want to compete

with the girl up street

or the woman on your job

while you claim you work hard

fighting for love you say is mine

replaying line after line

and getting the short end of the stick

time after time

I've given chance after chance

while I'm wasting my time

while I'm crying and thinking

and wondering why

And you're walking around with your head in the sky

with your nose in the air

no worries, no cares

And I'm the fool who loves you

and you're not even here!!!

At this point Chapter 3

tends to focus to me

my flawlessness and inaccuracies

the reason i stay when i know that he cheats

believing the lies that fly when he speaks

overlooking and denying

with hopes that he'll change

but he only gets worse

and me, I go insane

and I curse, and I flip

and throw things all over

and when i go to cry

he wont even lend me his shoulder

he never lends an ear

he just disappears

But whenever he needs me

YUP!!.....I'm right there

So what is it in me

that i do not see

that I really don't fix

that i just let be

I keep saying I'm beautiful

I'm smart I don't need this

Then I look in the mirror

and wonder if I mean it

wondering if I believe it

or maybe I would like to

But i don't and that's why you do

all that I allow you

I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm confused

And with all this going on

I still manage to love you

or is it real love

with the person or the thought

That I can make you or change you

I'm in love with the sport

Maybe i don't want to be alone

but i still like my peace

I still love my sanity

I still love my sleep

I must have low self esteem

or maybe I have a problems

that until i wake up

won't be able to solve them

That love, all that love

that i put into him, that i put into men

draining me from within

all that love, real love that i give to someone else

Why Oh Why, can't i give to myself

This final chapter closes

with the strength for me to leave

to promise myself to do better

and love and pamper me

this chapter have happy endings

fairy tales and plenty smiles

no headaches and genuine love

like that of a child

this chapter is not about him, it's not about them

it's all about me

I've finally been granted my liberty

from beautiful sea to shining sea

yes ma'am i am all that back

all that, I gave away

I bought back with my freedom

And I'm exhaling everyday!!!

I Changed

I changed the I can't into I can's;
I let go of theirs and took my own hand;
I stopped stopping myself and began to encourage
And let go of the fools setting out to discourage
I changed nothing into something
I turned seeds into trees
There was a time when i thought i was nothing
How foolish of me.........
How could i not see, that i was more than they said
That I was worth more than they thought, whether alive or dead
I caught dreams by the tail and I strapped them on tight
I cut off the dead weight with one swipe of my knife
I turned darkness into light
And I climbed many mountains
I found love in me
And put a hedge around my fountain
I'm more than just a body, educated and unique
A mind that has surpassed the present
Much more than a sexy physique
I sailed away into time and found out WHY THE CAGE BIRD SINGS
I survived THE COLDEST WINTER EVER,
with my MAMA and PUSHED through things
See, I turned emptiness into fullness
And I pieced together my broken pieces
I woke up from years of sleep
And turned my hood into exotic beaches
This is my time now
I don't remember the past
But one lesson I hold onto
Trouble don't always last
I turned nights into mornings
I turned sadness into laughter
I turned weakness into strength
And before into after
I am a woman, I am a conqueror
I am the one who changed my world
With the snap of my fingers and a twist of my hips
I turn coal into diamonds and rocks into pearls!

What A Lady

Head held up so high
Eyes up, never down
Hips sway side to side
On her head there's a crown
Back straight and she walks like she's walking on air
Well groomed from her clothes,
to her nails, to her hair
So beautiful she is
So lovely in deed
Her one and only goal in this life, to succeed
The love for herself,
so pure so deep
The road that she's traveled,
so hard, so steep
She fell so many times
But you would never know
Cause she's learned to get up and get on with the show
her heart is so warm
But her face is so hard
A lady of course, but a lady that's scarred
She cooks and she cleans
And takes care of the kids
She works, her feet hurts
But she handles her biz
So Classy, So Sassy
So different, So Unique
So wise it's a pleasure, just to hear her speak
She's learned what she should have learned so long ago
Those years of crying and fighting and struggling and so
So blinded by love and desire and lust
Hurt so many times, it's impossible to trust
Now she's strong, no longer ignorant
But she's mistaken as crazy

MAN O MAN......

What A Lady!!!!!

She works and she does what she has to, to eat
her kids always look good
articulate when she speaks
She grew up in the hood, no she didn't have the best
But who defines what the best is
She is now without stress
She loves but she's cautious
Eyes open no games
No lies and no bullshit
She's been down that lane
Come correct with respect
No more "Sexy", or "Hey Baby"
Cause if you really knew her story
you would say


WHAT A LADY!!

Written and Posted By : Rebecca Hall

Bliss

The ignorance is bliss
the silence of the past
The things we take for granted
simple things, like cries and laughs
Our history all tangled
in a web of lies and deceit
My people came from slavery
Only to fall asleep
Eyes tightly shut
Paying a price, yet no receipt
Paying for futures with our souls
And still no guarantee
Do they really think the silent cries and silent voices will set them free?
Will keep them free?
Same day different time
it seems our money is good enough, though our skin will never be
We make them rich so they put up with us
quietly hating of our skin and our names
ignoring our cries, ignoring our please
and so to maintain.......
We close our eyes, eyes wide shut
We close our mouths, spoken hush
We turn our heads, starring at the problem
to afraid and confused to solve them
Ooh the happiness of ignorance
What you don't know can't hurt you
Really?? What you dont know will kill you
Go ahead and continue to fail you
Beaten and murdered for trying to read
Haven't picked up a book sinc the day you were freed
No homage and love for the one's that came before
You speak up for nothing, while they spoke up for more
They spoke up for you, they spoke up for truth
For YOUR rights, for YOUR life, they spoke up for YOU!
Repeating a vicios cycle, only time can break and heal
Enslaved to a people, that only came to destroy and steal
Passed around like chattel, sold like property
Praying to their demons, for freedom and equality
My people please wake up, knowledge is power
You're dying mentally everyday
There is power in numbers, power in books
Please believe what I say
Just yesterday we could not vote
Was killed or beaten if we eyeballed or spoke
Our children were taken, sold and abused
robbed of childhood and family, used as tools
Our women were raped, our men were degraded
The pride and the love for our people has faded
The power was taken
Do you see what you miss??!
When you spend your life sleeping, in a nightmarish bliss?
When ooh too many times, you've felt grim reaper's kiss
And the request for your freedom was boldly dismissed

Wake up!
And your eyes, keep them wide open
Grow strong and Unite
Elevate from just coping
Teach, Unify, Recruit!And Enlist!
Free Yourself
And awake from this nightmarish bliss!!




Written and Posted By: Rebecca Hall

Journey

I'm searching for truth
A reality unseen
A level of enlightenment
A higher, fuller being

An awareness unheard of
Where happy thoughts are conceived
Where emotions are not deceiving
And a calmness is perceived

A beautiful there after
Only expressed on earth
The innocence
The ambiance, that's experienced at birth

The alpha, the omega
the "presence" that"s put first
The necessity of peace
The wholeness that bursts

The "image" I AM
A Goddess in my own right
Unmoving, untouched
by feelings, by sight

Just love, real love
no expectations, no regrets
I'm searching for something higher
Something real
Nothing Less

Infinite peace and Blessings
A glow radiating from within
A mind set on righteousness
Where Joy and Love fit in

A realness, A truth
A wholeness that I seek
On a journey of elevation
that starts inside of me


Written and Posted By: Rebecca Hall

Undreamed Dreams

I'm waiting to be discovered
Lurking deep inside your mind
way back in your subconscious
though I'm not that hard to find

Your thoughts to one day find me
soon dispersed and faded away
To live a life of reality
living only to live another day

That's not what life had planned for me
but you gave up on a dream
you gave up on hope and a future
and settled for all that it seemed

Even though you never thought to search for me
You think of me every now and then
with heartache inside, confusion resides
As if dreaming was a sin

You look at yourself
You look at your life
And think of all it could be

It could be all you want
and so much more
If only you'd believe and visualize me

As long as you breathe,
it's never too late
so hold on to me
there's no time to waste

I'm real as the blood that runs through your veins
I'm as vital as the air you breathe
And it's only a matter of time
before i show myself
You just have to believe.....

And Dream.....

Broken

To give someone everything
only to find they gave you half
while your home broken and crying
they can still find joy to laugh
and you wonder what you did wrong
what did you say? what did you do?
and you cry until there are no more tears
and all that's left is you....
you call friends, you pray to God
try to keep busy
but none of it helps
overcome, overwhelmed by emotions
heart, no longer on your sleeve, now on the shelf
you never want to love again
you never want to feel
you never want to hear their name again, its all surreal

so now what do you do
when the one you love broke your heart
when your reduced to breaking down
and your world's torn apart
what do you say when there are no words to describe how you feel
and no one would understand
when you feel like your everything is missing
with your deepest thoughts buried in sand

after praying doesn't work and kind words from your friends
and positive thoughts don't ease the pain
and you re-live the past, the wrongs and the rights
over and over, again and again
With your head in your hands
armed wrapped around your shoulders
TELL ME!! WHAT DO YOU DO??
when you are so sure that, that person is the one
only to find they were never meant for you??...........

LOVE

Shouldn't it be more natural
Shouldn't it be easy
Shouldn't;t it be less painful
Isn't it supposed to free me
Shouldn't it make me smile
And fill a piece that was once empty
Shouldn't it make me cry
And mean everything to me
Why can't it just be beautiful
Shouldn't it just make me better
Why does it have to be so difficult
And not organized and together
Isn't it worth all the sacrifice,
All the change and the exposure
Isn't it worth all the happiness,
the connection and the closure

The cleansing of one another
Of the past, pain and the struggles
Shouldn't it be worth much more than
the hurt and all the trouble
I believe that it should be and it is
so naturally beautifully formed into shape
By the amount of heart, it's given
It can evolve into something great
It should be much more and it is so much more
Than a temporary escape
It's the beginning and the end, the creation
the hinge to everything and falls into place
Not taken from but added too
Fed, given life
Nourished and explored
And it shouldn't take a fight

No, it shouldn't take a fight
To fall in love
To join as one
With grace you should easily merge
Love is sweet and should be fun
When it is with the right one
No hurt and no confusion
It can actually be real without the fairy tales
and the illusions
But there are happily ever after's
Good before's and Beautiful after's
Actual people and not actors
Real life, no books, no chapters

Love is so pure, that's why everyone wants it
It's not a temporary escape
The beginning and the end
for real, not pretend
And it should fall right into place..

Roles Reversed

Isn't it so funny how the tables have turned
Now you know how I felt and oh how it burns
To wonder, to feel it
to know something's wrong
that inkling, that intuition that keeps growing strong
I used to stay up all night crying
wondering what's wrong with me
those sleepness nights, you ain't come home
knowing you were out with she
you'd deny it, swear up and down
that could never be
But I knew what I felt
I know what I see
Now numb to the madness
It's rare that I care
Cause you had it made up in your head
that I would always be here
I stopped asking, stopped crying
knowing I could do better
And not once did you realize
that you weren't so clever

So I come and go freely
and you want to know where I be
Constantly asking me who is
running after me

what's that and who's that
And who's calling your phone
What You doin? Where you going?
Are you sure you at home?

Why you so focused on me now
You were so into doin you
when I was worrying and heartbroken
you never came to my rescue
And now you expect me to pamper your insecurities
Stroke your ego
when you ain't did s#*t for me?!?!

................................Wellll

It's not gon happen
see Karma is a bitch
I sat and I waited and see
How the roles have switched
See how you up on me now
See how you sooo concerned
Well now you kow how I felt
And I hope that shit burns!!!

Thank You

Thank you for a love that I now understand
that doesn't come from a human
but deep down within
that adds to my fullness
and abundantly overflows
that out shines the sun
and in the darkness it glows
in the sunlight it grows
unconditionally and eternal
an elevation of emotions
genuine and internal
it's too strong to retain
uncontrollably bursting out
too show everyone that encounters it
what it's all about
unheard of, unsure of
but now understood
the greatness, the realness
indescribable, good
that's better than sweet
way more than imagined
always dreamed of
but not likely fathomed
I thank you for a love that I now understand
that's been patiently waiting
to be discovered......within!

-Rebecca Hall

DREAM!!

Don't be afraid to dream
Don't be afraid to try
Never be afraid to live your life
Don't be too afraid to fly

You get so many chances
Many moons and many suns
Plenty days and plenty seasons
But life, you only get one

Don't ever hold yourself back
Spread your wings and soar
Feel the wind blow through your hair
Do all you've never done before

You don't want to have regrets
You will only be mad at yourself
For passing up opportunities
And giving up on everything else

Keep your dreams and visions alive
Don't let them fade, don't let them die
Love and trust what you have inside
Believe....spread your wings and fly

Slipping Away

It's too late for apologies
I'm slipping away
I tried to stay strong
But I'm starting to fade
I look back and daydream about the love we once made
Then I realize that maybe that's the reason I stayed
So long in a trance, not coming or going
Stuck, just still, not moving or growing
Wanting, but not knowing
If the love is for real
Constantly verbalizing, the feelings I feel

And I think, All I'm saying and doing is in vain
It doesn't make us breed love
It only breeds pain
A pain so deep like blood it stains
And can never get clean
No matter how hard it rains
I'm trying to remain, remembering the days
But slowly and surely, I'm fading away

Not in love with the person I was with before
But a mere few memories
Nothing less, Nothing more
But I also remember all the heartache he caused
WHat used to be mine
What used to be yours
What used to be ours, Left before it could stay
And slowly but surely, I'm fading away

I'm running, I'm walking
Nothing left to say
I'm gone, I'm falling
I'm slipping away......

Harlem

I can't help but to reflect on the Harlem i once knew
The Life, The People, The streets that I grew
The History, The Essence, of a people so strong
Breeding dreams and ambition
Where did we go wrong?
From Zora, Malcolm, Duke Ellington and Horne,
Generations of progress and soldiers were born
A place of unity, education and love
Villages raising our children, eyes focused above
The beauty of Black, the beauty of self
Identities captured, abundance and wealth
The Harlem Renaissance, music, dancing and poetry
The Civil Rights Movement, the militant energy
A people so strong, too beautiful to fade
Will take all your lemons and make lemonade
A people who overcome, again and again
Without even trying, triumphantly win
Black People, Righteous People
considered second class
Ironically without us, this system wouldn't last
Our schools, our homes
our communities displaced
Not because of the economy, but because of our race
Our brothers and sisters, put out on the street
Our mothers, our fathers, our children can't eat
there's no where to sleep
no one listening to speak
Politicians in suits, formally wearing white sheets
We're the ones that they cheat
and now Harlem is gone
They move in, move us out
Raise the rent and So Long!
The land we made rich
We made Harlem what it is
A beautiful place that raised us and our kids
A haven, a luxury to walk down its streets
History and limitless stories absorbed by the concrete

In every brick, on every corner
My HArlem, My Home
A place where I belonged
A place all my own
I'll miss you sweet Harlem
Thank you for all of your lessons
For collecting my tears and pouring out all your blessings
They'll never understand you and appreciate your worth
No matter where I go
You'll always come first......

-Rebecca Hall

In My Shoes

For just one day
Could you take a walk in my shoes
Could you feel all my joys
Could you sing all my blues

For one day if i let you
Would you cry all my tears
Would help heal my heart
Would you conquor my fears

It's always so easy, looking in from the outside
But you could never understand me,
My tears you can't cry
You can't turn my grey skies blue
You can't pick me up off the ground
You can't say it's nothing when it is something
You can't make my world go around

For one day
Just for one day
Could you put my burdens on your back
Would you bare all that I bare
and keep your cool, could you do that

For one day, if I let you
Could you say, I know how you feel
And mean it, truely mean it
Without faking, genuinely real

From now on when I cry, would you cry
When I fall, giveme time to get up
Encourage instead of discourage
Be there for me, no if and's or but's

For one day
Just for one day, if you walked in my shoes
maybe then you'd truly understand
Why i do what I do
Why I say what I say
Whay I am the way i am

For one day if you could see me
With all I have exposed
Would you still find ways to judge me
Or would you keep your mouth closed

I can only be me and you will never understand
if you don't want to understand
So please overstand
That even in my shoes, you could never be me
I could never be you but there can always be we
We can happily co exist, unstanding each others story
Choosing to love and listen, rather than to judge and ignore me

For one day,
Just one day., maybe you would begin to see
All the beautiful and unique things, that combine to make up....me.